Today I feel utterly useless. As I mentioned in my previous post, the guy whom I used to love (let’s call him Belgian chocolate) loves someone else. Quite normal actually. This time around, I’m yet again stuck in the same room with him for another hellish 10 months and yes as you guys have perceived I meant a classroom. In the beginning I thought “How will I survive this torture?!” only to be proven that there’s not a single trace of remorse or sadness in my system. Probably because I’ve had enough of Belgian chocolate and thought that it’d be better to stay as friends than hope for more.
Anyway, as these almost two months past by, there’s this other guy who’s been on my mind lately (let’s call him Swiss chocolate). I know that I may seem like the type who “easily falls in love” or “whines about every single damn thing about her love life” but seriously I’ve loved Belgian for only God knows how long. Instead of waiting, why can’t I just move on? So Swiss chocolate’s a nice guy. He’s caring, sweet and easy to be around with though I’ve done something wrong. I just had a
small huge misunderstanding with him today and messed up. I’m not afraid of him getting mad, but what I’m afraid of is his opinion of me after this incident.
It hurts. It sure as hell hurts. Just as soon as I find somebody who might’ve seen me as just me, someone who’d likely accept me for who I am, the red string of fate that connects me to him is starting to break. I know this string is meant to tie those who are fated partners together but I honestly think that you have these red strings tied and connecting you to those who are dear to you. It’s starting to break. The string that I’ve cherished for some time is almost breaking. Please don’t let it happen. I want to mend everything back together and have things the way it was before. Even if I might lose the chance of hoping you to love me as I am. Can’t I rewind time and bring back everything to normal?
“When you lose someone, you get used to living day to day without them. But you’ll never get used to the “10 second heartbreak.” That’s the time it takes to wake to full consciousness each day and remember…”
― Nina Guilbeau