In all honesty, I don’t know what to do with my feelings for Swiss. A part of me is saying “You’ve been at it for so long, just keep going” while the other part says “Isn’t about time you give up? Face it, he doesn’t care about you”. These two sides been tearing me from inside out. I’m starting to doubt my feelings, to doubt whether I really love him or I just simply feel adoration.
I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. My mind’s in shambles filled with guilt, remorse, and envy. I CAN’T THINK AT ALL! I don’t know, I just don’t know anymore! I know I’m saying all this but I… I….. I… I still love him. I know I don’t deserve saying all this with me being doubtful of my own feelings but I can’t help it. I’m such an idiot. I don’t even have single shred of innocence. So for now, I dedicate the song INNOCENCE by Aoi Eir from the anime Sword Art Online
link: INNOCENCE
kakushiteta kanjou ga himei wo ageteru
tashikana chikai wo te ni
The feelings I’ve kept hidden scream out deep down
and I take hold of a new vow.
kiseki dake wo motome kienai yami wo samayou
koko ni ireba nido to mirai miru koto dekinai
Searching for a miracle, I wandered in this unending darkness.
But if I stay here I won’t be able to reach into the future ever again.
koyoi mo tsuki ga sasotte mada kotoba dasenai kedo
kokoro no naka sakebitsuzduketa
Tonight, the moon beckons me once again. I still can’t speak
but I continue to scream from my heart.
kakushiteta kanjou ga himei wo ageteru
tashikana chikai wo te ni
ato honno sukoshi dake tsuyoku nareta nara
me no mae ni aru kono sora koeteyuku kara
kono saki ni aru mirai ni te wo nobasu kara
The feelings I’ve kept hidden scream out deep down
and I take hold of a new vow.
If I become a bit stronger
I can cross over the sky I see right in front of me,
I can reach out towards the future before me.
sunaona koe hibiite hayaru mune no takanari
kimi ga kaita chizu ni yume no arika wo sagasu
I let my honest voice out and my heart races
as I search for the dream in the map you’ve drawn.
kumoma ni sashikomu hikari wazauka ni hashiru kono itami
ano sora ni mata tobitateta nara
Light shines from the clouds, a faint pain runs though me,
and I fly to the sky once again.
hateshinaku hirogatta sumiwataru sekai mabushisa ni me wo hosome
shinjirareru tsuyosa wo mune ni idaitara
kumo itotsu nai kono sora tobimawaru kara
This world spans endlessly and I squint my eyes in its radiance.
If I keep the strength to believe in my heart
I can fly through this cloudless sky.
nakusu mono ha nani mo nai furueru yubi nigirishime
kimi no mukuna egao dake wo yakitsuke
I have nothing to lose, I hold my shivering fingers
and burn your innocent smile in my mind.
owaranai EPISO-DO no hate ni tsukametara
kimi to no omoi ga ima
osanaki hi no kakera wo tsunagi irodotte
futari de kaita kokoro no kiseki tadoru kara
If I can reach the end of this endless episode,
my memories of you
will gather and color the fragments of our past.
I can tread down the road of the heart we drew together.
kakushiteta kanjou ga himei wo ageteru
tashikana chikai wo te ni
ato honno sukoshi dake tsuyoku nareta nara
me no mae ni aru kono sora koeteyuku kara
The feelings I’ve kept hidden scream out deep down
and I take hold of a new vow.
If I become a bit stronger
I can cross over the sky I see right in front of me…
kono saki ni aru mirai ni te wo nobasu kara…
I can reach out towards the future before me…
(credits of the English translation goes to http://atashi.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/sword-art-online-2nd-ending-theme-overfly/)
Just be yourself and Smile 