I wished it never stopped raining

Last Wednesday, my class went on a trip. Well it’s not that trip where you can just have fun or be rowdy or do whatever you want, no this trip was meant for spiritual means. By spiritual means I mean everything most of the things you talk or do in that trip is some self-evaluation and talk about your relationship with God. I’m guessing you guys are thinking “well that’s one boring trip” or something the like but in all honesty- it wasn’t.

So the trip started with the usual talks about how God is always with us and that He loves us very much to the point that He sent His only son to die on the cross just to save us from sin, a few moments later, we started with the how I like to call the “therapeutic” part where we can just release all that stress and insecurities we’ve pent-up for so long. Moving on, here’s where things get a little interesting well interesting to me. After everything was done, it was time for the “main event” or in other words, the confession. So things we’re fine and all, nothing out the ordinary, until it rained on our way to the confessional hall. Me, being the helpless idiot that I am, forgot to bring my umbrella AND didn’t have a hood for my jacket. I had no other choice but to share an umbrella.

At first, I was sharing with one of my female classmates (whom I’ll call Makoto in this case) with one of my best friends (let’s call her Annabeth since she loves Percy Jackson). So here we were walking along under the rain, then I realized we were walking right behind Swiss. He was sharing his umbrella with one of our guy classmates (since every single poor soul within the class was desperate not to get wet). Moving on, that classmate of ours went on ahead of him so eventually he was left alone, until he said “Anyone else who needs an umbrella? Come right under!” So since the three of us we’re trying to fit ourselves into a supposed two-person-umbrella, Annabeth took the chance and shared an umbrella with him. Makoto, being the gal she is, started telling Annabeth “Nooooo! Come back here and share an umbrella with me instead! Let Sakura share an umbrella with him!” *insert evil grin* (and yes I’m using my username HAHA). Unfortunately for the two, I did NOT want to exchange umbrellas with Annabeth, plus it was already too late since we were near the hall anyway, too bad for them 😛

So confessions to the priest were made then followed up by a mass. Unfortunately for us, it was STILL raining so we had no choice but to go through the heavy downpour yet again. Although the good part was there was a path, though longer, that was under a roof and it’ll bring us to our destination with only little experience with the rain. At that moment, I was walking with my other best friend (let’s call her Kitty since she loves cats). So we reached the end of the trail and, take note, I was behind Swiss yet again. Kitty had a hood on her so she planned to walk through the rain as it is, while Swiss was going to share his umbrella with another of our classmates and I planned to just charge through the rain without the a care of getting myself soaked to the bone. As I was about to charge through the rain, Kitty suddenly yelled “What kind of man are you, Swiss? Are you just going to let Sakura walk through the rain?”. Yes, she just HAD to say it. Not because she wanted to make fun of me (thank God) but simply because she didn’t want me to get sick. As much as I appreciate the effort, of all people around us, did it really have to be Swiss? Oh wait, he was the only person near us who had an umbrella *smacks head*

Carrying on, with Kitty doubting Swiss as a man, he suddenly said “Come here under the umbrella with us”. Me being a simple-minded idiot that I am, was overjoyed. Of course I didn’t show any of that on my face and we weren’t technically alone under the umbrella, but the fact that he was the one holding the umbrella made my heart skip a beat :”> Anyway, halfway to our destination, our other classmate who was sharing the umbrella with me and Swiss suddenly just left charging through the rain. So that left me and Swiss sharing an umbrella. JUST. THE. TWO. OF. US. That made get all self-conscious and everything. Okay I’m getting a bit delusional, but you know this Japanese belief (and yes I picked that up from all the anime I’ve been watching) wherein when a guy and a girl share one umbrella, it means they’re lovers ❤ As delusional and crazy that I may seem right now, I wouldn’t mind if that were true. What’s more? That wasn’t the only incident where we shared an umbrella :”> ❤ On the way back to the bus it was still raining, and I just charged through the rain using my clipboard as an umbrella until he invited me, without anyone questioning him as a man, to get under his umbrella ❤ I know that’s just him being nice, but hey, a girl can always dream.

And at those tiny moments, for once in my life I hoped that the rain would never stop ❤

“Sharing one umbrella, We have to hold each other,
Round the waist to keep together, You ask me why I’m smiling
It’s because I’m thinking, I want it to rain forever.”
― Vicki Feaver

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Just why?

Tell me, why do you do this? Why do you want me to be so miserable? I can’t get a clue! Why? Why? Why? WHY?  I’ve done NOTHING wrong to you! Why? Why? Why? WHY?

As much as it hurts, I’ve done my best to not be “me” in front of you. If I become “me” then you’ll just completely hate me, because I’m just some random girl that you don’t give a damn about, somebody really annoying, somebody you despise. I’m useless, I’m weak, I’m nothing. I’m a coward, I hide behind a tough exterior but in reality, I’m really fragile inside. I’m pathetic, aren’t I? So tell me, why? Despite my hardest effort, why do you still treat me like this?

I don’t know what to do. I don’t even understand if I should still love you. But I’m a hypocrite, I say this but in actuality I DO love you.

Please tell me. Please explain to me,  just why Swiss?